While writing this, I am listening to song 'where'd you go?' by 'Fort minor'. which contains these lines repeatedly-
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
As good as the song is, it reminds me of all that happened in last three and half years, within a moment. I have written about all that so many times that if I write again, it would be beating dead horse. Although I can argue that the same was true for my several tries, but thats another realm now.
Not that I was not pondering on that, but it was actually a call to Jyoti that made it all clear for me. She told me that Bhumika said her that if she was at Jyoti's place, she would have slapped her brother on doing such stupid things for a girl, asking why he just can't stop thinking about her. As subjective that statement can be considered, arguably it tells me the best thing to do.
So, here begins my last post about her. It has all ended now and what the call yesterday did was lighting my path.
Whenever I went to Chhoti sadri, to meet Jyoti or Sandeep, there was always a wish, howsoever small and howsoever far in the corners of my mind, that if only I could see her once. But now on, I curb this wish of mine forever. Whenever I will go there next time, if I will get time in my little remaining life, it will only be for my sister and my brother. No one else will exist there for me.
I kill this not because of any hate or anger towards Bhumika, but rather by realising that I have chased a mirage long enough. To say that I have no regrets of all that I did and happened, would be a lie. But to say that I wont regret them anymore, is as true as it comes.
It is strange that what ultimately taught me this was a very little statement made by her to Jyoti. I didnt learn when people told me that she was in relationship with some certain Manish in Indore, I didnt learn when she said it a thousand times that I was biggest mistake of her life. But what actually matters is that I know what to do, and in a better way actually.
Interestingly enough, in the playlist, now 'Ka-ching!' by 'Shania twain' is playing. Its lines-
'Can you hear it ring
It makes you wanna sing
It's such a beautiful thing--Ka-ching!'
are although said in a totally different context, somehow cheer me up. I dont have much time in life, but as much as it is, I hope it would be a little easier for I will stop thinking about her after a real real long time.
So Bhumika, I grant you your dearest wish. You wanted me to stop talking about you, or even thinking about you. So I will do. No one will again hear your name from my mouth, I wont think a single second about you and there is no way I will bother you again with anything silly. And once again I say, it is not because I hate you or anything like that. It is just that you wanted that and as a man who knows when his last breaths are going to leave, I grant you these. You were my friend for thirteen years, so it is the least I can do for you, although it is a bilt late. Hopefully you will be happy with Manish. I dont say this because I am jealous or am sarcastically questioning your character, but because I really mean it. May you get happiness forever.
So here, I leave all the thirteen years of frienship and one year of something more than friendship behind me, never to visit again. Wish me luck, wish me goodbye.
P.S.- Damn! Now 'Simon and Grafunkel' in their 'America' are saying-
Let us be lovers we will marry our fortunes together'.
Shut up! These wont change me, I have left it all behind. Pressing the next button......
