Exams over.....the final phase of long running drama begins

Apart from the usual 'so great' announcement that the title does, of exams getting over, there is something else too. If the phrase 'long running drama' reminds of those mind blowing (and in a literal way) Ekta kapoor dramas full of evil women, then you're not alone. But what I am talking about here is more like...say House MD or Grey's anatomy. As soon as I say this, I know you know what I am talking about. But it is better we leave such topics at hospital only.

As soon as exams ended, the first thing I did was watching Smallville episodes I had missed. And believe me when I say this that this season is one of the best seasons of this awesome series.


Smallville is going better by each episode.


The best episode, without a shred of doubt, was 'Descent'. If there is one sentence to describe the episode, I would use- 'say hello to real Lex'. He is shaping up to be the real foe of Superman, the one eternal enemy whom all we Superman fans know as the most cunning of them all.
Some people didn't like 'Sleeper', but I liked it. It was more of a 'Chloe-Jimmy' affair, but there was nothing in it which I couldn't like. Sure, its always better Chloe sharing screen space with Clark rather than with Jimmy cause Chloe-Clark have best chemistry on the show, but a departure didnt hurt in my opinion.

And then, right before the big-bang of 'Descent', there was the return of 'Pete ross' in 'Hero'. It was a real treat to see him after a long time.

And while I am writing about Smallville, I am somehow reminding Hannah montana. I am not really a big fan of that show. I watch it because it contains some real good gigs from character Jackson. Otherwise, its a totally girlicious series. If there is one Disney show which I really like is Phil of the future.

Girlicious!!!!

Lets get back to games, our favorite topic- games. The biggest news is, of course, the release of Grand Theft Auto IV. The biggest entertainment release of the year, eclipsing even the biggest movie release, and expected to fetch 400 million dollars in first week only, this is gaming at its best. It is just too bad for me that it is not coming to PCs and I have to make the move to consoles yet.

This is gonna be HUGE!!!!!

Other than this huge game, there is another huge one coming out on June 12th. Once again for the pity of PC gamers like me, this PS3 exclusive is the biggest exclusive any console can get. It is the return of the series of that redefined not only stealth gaming, but gaming altogether. From the genius that is Kojima, it is the final installment of the legend of a series- Metal Gear solid IV: Guns of the patriots.

This thing will drive PS3 heights above others.

Previews have flown in and everyone who has played it is saying that this is the definitive Next gen experience. There is no doubt that the reviews will turn out to be stellar too.

I wanted to write many more things. About IPL, about Tibet and about many other things, but now I am too tired to write about them. Maybe I will write in next entry. And there will be an entry soon, centered on the new probable blossoming of love in my life. Stay tuned!!!!!

A long pause it was...awkward and awesome (maybe)

The pause was for both, for my blog entries and for my life too. I went home, and as a result, both of these things were paused. I call it awkward because when I went home, it was a time when I was supposed to be here, in IIT. I knew it, but I still went. It was more weird whenin the last days there, I started feeling that it was too long and I wanted to come here, which is strange. And well...after that, it didn't take me long to come back.
So back I am....and there are things which I would like to write about. First and foremost I would start with games, as usual. I finished Frontlines-Fuels of war. And it is a game i wont like to write a review of. To be honest, it doesnt do many things wrong. The problem is, it dosent do anything new in any way. I completed it for the sake of completion, cause I didnt want to install a 12GB game again.
After finishing it, I didn't have anything to do. It was then when I realized there was a game I needed to finish. It was Indigo Prophecy (or Fahrenheit as some people know it). I hesitated a bit, cause I knew its graphics weren't so good and I am a graphics junkie. But then I recalled its stellar gameplay. I re installed it and started playing. I resumed from where I had left the game and it didn't take long to again get sucked in the story and gameplay. The game only went better from there. When I finished it, I was only thinking how good 'heavy rain' would be. It is a bit sad for me that it is going to be a PlayStation 3 exclusive. Oh PS3 is huge in my mind these days because of all its stellar exclusive, released or unreleased.
Then once again, I didn't have anything to do. As I was looking in my installed games list, I saw a long ignored game- The withcer. I am not a big fan of RPGs, but The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion stands high in my favorites list. I had played Prologue and a bit of Chapter I of it a while back, and it didnt impress me much, so I was hesitating to play it. but I didn't have many choices and I started playing it again. But it didn't take me to realize that I was so wrong. The game is freaking awesome!!!!! I am not really sure if it triumphed Oblivion, but there is no hesitation in saying that it was nowhere below than that gem of a game. Everything about that game was stellar. I played it for two days continuously before coming here but couldn't complete it. I am looking forward to complete it. Till I played, the level- 'The swamp forest' stands out as the best level of the game. I am not writing a review as I haven't completed it, but will do it.

Apart from gaming, there didn't happen anything special, probably other than this thta I didnt go to Chhoti sadri. It is continuously second, and there are only two, time when I went home but didn't go to Chhoti sadri. The reason is not something I entirely know, but I know a big reason is this that Chhoti sadri is not as near from Udaipur as it was from Pratapgarh.
One more reason is this that there is less attraction since I vowed to stop going there for 'you know who'.

Hmmm...what else can I write about?????? Noting is coming to my mind as of now, so I am forced to close this entry rather than dragging it.

Watering on settled dirt....just to end it officially

While writing this, I am listening to song 'where'd you go?' by 'Fort minor'. which contains these lines repeatedly-
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.

As good as the song is, it reminds me of all that happened in last three and half years, within a moment. I have written about all that so many times that if I write again, it would be beating dead horse. Although I can argue that the same was true for my several tries, but thats another realm now.
Not that I was not pondering on that, but it was actually a call to Jyoti that made it all clear for me. She told me that Bhumika said her that if she was at Jyoti's place, she would have slapped her brother on doing such stupid things for a girl, asking why he just can't stop thinking about her. As subjective that statement can be considered, arguably it tells me the best thing to do.
So, here begins my last post about her. It has all ended now and what the call yesterday did was lighting my path.
Whenever I went to Chhoti sadri, to meet Jyoti or Sandeep, there was always a wish, howsoever small and howsoever far in the corners of my mind, that if only I could see her once. But now on, I curb this wish of mine forever. Whenever I will go there next time, if I will get time in my little remaining life, it will only be for my sister and my brother. No one else will exist there for me.
I kill this not because of any hate or anger towards Bhumika, but rather by realising that I have chased a mirage long enough. To say that I have no regrets of all that I did and happened, would be a lie. But to say that I wont regret them anymore, is as true as it comes.
It is strange that what ultimately taught me this was a very little statement made by her to Jyoti. I didnt learn when people told me that she was in relationship with some certain Manish in Indore, I didnt learn when she said it a thousand times that I was biggest mistake of her life. But what actually matters is that I know what to do, and in a better way actually.
Interestingly enough, in the playlist, now 'Ka-ching!' by 'Shania twain' is playing. Its lines-
'Can you hear it ring
It makes you wanna sing
It's such a beautiful thing--Ka-ching!'
are although said in a totally different context, somehow cheer me up. I dont have much time in life, but as much as it is, I hope it would be a little easier for I will stop thinking about her after a real real long time.
So Bhumika, I grant you your dearest wish. You wanted me to stop talking about you, or even thinking about you. So I will do. No one will again hear your name from my mouth, I wont think a single second about you and there is no way I will bother you again with anything silly. And once again I say, it is not because I hate you or anything like that. It is just that you wanted that and as a man who knows when his last breaths are going to leave, I grant you these. You were my friend for thirteen years, so it is the least I can do for you, although it is a bilt late. Hopefully you will be happy with Manish. I dont say this because I am jealous or am sarcastically questioning your character, but because I really mean it. May you get happiness forever.
So here, I leave all the thirteen years of frienship and one year of something more than friendship behind me, never to visit again. Wish me luck, wish me goodbye.

P.S.- Damn! Now 'Simon and Grafunkel' in their 'America' are saying-
Let us be lovers we will marry our fortunes together'.

Shut up! These wont change me, I have left it all behind. Pressing the next button......

What nightmares may come.......

Ever thought what if you knew when you were going to die? Even if it was said that it would take 15 years, wont you count the days, the weeks and each Sunday passing?
And what if it was said that it would be 5-6 months? What would you count? Or would you stop counting? Wont you see your death lurking just around the corner? Obviously, you will. But more than seeing, it is a matter of feeling. Many of us, with their bravo, can say that it wont even tarnish the shine of their hopes. But those who say, just try being at that place for real. You still have your hopes high, all dreams still standing? Dreams of love, of friendship and hopes of those dreams?
Will you chersih every remaigning moment or will spend it mourning? Will every passing day remind you of upcoming end or will it be beautiful memory of wonderfully spent time?
Who knows?
Couple it with constant pains and tears. What if you spit out blood everyday and can't even breathe proerly? What if your body is cut open 3 times already and you take 100 pills and injections everyday? What if all you feel all the time, in every moment, is pain?
And then what when people who once cared about you, become so non-chalant towards you that it doesnt matter to them that what happens to you?
Is it a nightmare I am drawing? Probably not. Just my two cents on this eternal topic.

So this is how it ends....she called and everything shattered

A showdown was expected, later if not soon. But I didnt expect it to end this way. From me getting her number and saving it, foolishly enough, in place of Urvara to me messeging her, again more foolishly, writing something which could have spinned all the way around, to her brother calling me, and me mistaking him for just another someone, to finally, she calling, it was one hell of a ride.

Last four days gave me some of the strangest (someone stranger knowing all about me) to most beautiful (lying on rooftop with legs hanging down at 1AM in night, watching stars and feeling breeze on a 7 stored building) moments I ever had.

The highlight was, obviously, her call. It was not, in no supposed meaning, amiable. Not that I didnt say anything I had to say, or that she didnt listen. But rather than this, I can put it this way that she is now gone too far to pardon me, let alone come back.
I told her everything, wrong nowhere. But since it wasnt a patching up call, it was all fruitless. She called to make sure that I dont call her again, which I obviously wont, and had a successful venture. I wont say that she was rude exactly, but as far as she was from this, she was farther from amiable. It hurt, it did hurt. But I cant do anything, as I did everything I could. I told her my intentions and hopes, dreams and fate, but nothing moved her.
I cant say that she is wrong either. No. She is correct in her point of view, and to some extent, in mine too. I can feel her anger everytime someone in streets takes my name while she is passing, and understand that she never thought it would come to this. No doubt that she thinks I am responsible for this, and I wont deny that either. I did some, or many, follies which lead to this. She asked, she wept and argued me to not do those. But still I did. I just couldnt understand what harm they were making to her, or could potentially make. But harm they did make and I am repenting them more than I ever did.
But I cant get answer to one question. Were they all so big that she cant even forgive me now, even when she knows where I stand and whats going on with me? I told her my condition and all she answered was that I deserved that!

In the end, all I can write is that it has ended and now, for the remaigning part of my life, I should not hope that she will show any positive vibe, let alone calling me.........